Warning: Spoilers if you haven’t seen The Great British Bake Off episode 5
Smashing into week 5 saw the bakers in pudding week, and it wasn’t anything less than a sweet delight. It began with Noel frolicking through the gardens in a tasteful bright yellow jumper with co-host Sandi, kicking off the episode with an absolutely terrible, yet quite impressive, pun; “never mind the frolicks, it’s pudding week.”
The signature
Pudding week had a throw back signature challenge which required bakers to make a steamed school pudding (I’d for sure be a steamed pudding around Noel in that yellow sweater.) As always, the purest contestant in the tent, James, spoke us through his method for his steamy pudding in his calm, delicate voice; the voice I’d want reading me a bedtime story. A man with a plan, surely to succeed.
Historical videos featured again for the second week in a row (what a treat!) Sandi was at Cambridge University learning all about the old dessert. In fact, it’s such an old pudding that there’s recipes for it in a book that’s so ancient it’s in Ye Olde English and Sandi struggled to make head or tail of it. This surely meant Liam was in such luck, making a pudding that’s quite literally decades older than himself.
There was a lot of stodginess when it came to judging. Paul was very generous this week giving out not one, not two, but THREE of his Hollywood handies. Earning his hand were Steven with his lemon and blackcurrant pudding, Stacey with her bakewell tart pudding and Yan with her mango.
Liam was so close to getting Paul’s hand, but it was just the slightest bit too stodgy. Noel did offer him a “Fielding Fondle” instead. I certainly know which I’d rather.
The technical
The technical was very different this week; it required staggered starts. Bakers were ordered to leave the tent except for Julia who had to begin the technical first. This is because the chocolate puddings they were making had to be served warm so the peanut butter middle would be melted and runny, and so meant Paul and Prue were live judging them, backs to the tent of course so it was still anonymous.
Everyone seemed to know what they were making, and still no one was the slightest bit confident in themselves. They were either having trouble getting the puddings out of the bowls, having trouble not knowing when they were cooked through, or, in Yan’s case, slightly running out of time while plating up and serving it in the shape of genitalia. In her finest words of the series “if you’re gonna serve a cake, serve it phallic.” Words to live by.
Sophie won this weeks technical, having a wonderfully cooked through sponge and peanut butter runny enough for a marathon. Kate was in last place after presenting her over cooked sponges that were inconsistent in size.
The showstopper
This weeks technical had the bakers making trifle terrine. They were producing things you wouldn’t think were even possible to do with food. Julia put a slab of jelly INSIDE of a cake. Incredible.
Sophie and Stacey both impressed the judges again this week. Sophie’s Japanese style trifle wowed the judges and won herself star baker, with her pink icing sausage running through the layers, earning comments like “very pretty” and “very high class.” Stacey had very impressive presentation and flavours. Who would’ve thought putting chilli in a trifle would have a tasty outcome.
Steven showed off again, making an American flag out of jelly, revealing nine state stars when it was cut through. Unfortunately for him, he went for style over substance as Paul said it was just rubber and “I don’t like rubber. Disappointing.”
James was told his trifle had no flavours at all except for his jelly on top, which left the poor man looking so heartbroken. Liam’s jelly didn’t set at all, and was told only his Chai latte panna cotta was nice, so he too was left heartbroken. Almost everyone was crying by the end (looked like they were all in dire need of a Fielding fondle.)
Much to the nations sadness, James was the baker to leave after quite a disappointing pudding week.
So to summarise, there was a lot of stodginess, a lot of runny-ness (whether that be peanut butter, Liam’s unset jelly or the entire tents tears,) Yan made a phallic cake and Noel has the entirety of Great Britain wondering about his Fielding fondle.
By Alice Jones
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